Right Now...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson

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Motherhood // Thoughts of a New Mom 03

Grace was enough and grace is enough and grace always will be more than enough to change an old man young and an ankle deep stream to a sea. Grace can't be bought and grace can't be sold, not for the wages of a thousand days. Grace is the gift of a King who longs for His children to see they're not slaves.

I would have never considered myself as someone who struggles with anxiety. During high school and even college, school and studying were my focus but were like second nature to me. I dealt with the typical last minute project stress or worried over a big final, but that was the extent of my anxious thoughts. Studying comes somewhat naturally to me, and I honestly enjoy it. Pharmacy school was a bit different since the stakes are higher, but even then I was able to leave my worries at the door after completing and exam or even a difficult or stressful week.

Looking back, I think my anxiety actually began in the final months of my pregnancy. I was so ready for the 'new normal' and was actively preparing myself mentally and emotionally for the process of labor and delivery. What I didn't anticipate was the amount of tender healing that my own body would require. There was the learning curve of nursing, the sleepless nights and the fact that this perfect, tiny being was completely dependent upon me for survival. It can be so overwhelming.

Then I started back to work at only six weeks postpartum, which came with its own set of stressors. Juggling all the hats was, and still is, pretty exhausting sometimes. Work full-time, commute, make dinner, workout, spend time with my husband, oh yeah and take care of that babe. Not to mention sleep, shower and try to find a sliver of downtime to keep the anxiety at bay. The struggle is so real. There is a constant stream of thoughts in my head that I just can't shake. I worry about Elliot, how much he's eating, whether I'm pumping enough. I worry about vaccines and infections and his exposure to germs. I worry about my own health, lack of sleep, headaches and almost nonexistent workout schedule. I worry about my husband, and I miss him. I worry about money and jobs and health and all of the other things.

So apparently, mine is a story about anxiety... but it's also one about grace. And I share this to encourage all of you who may be dealing with the same thing. It's ok to be joyful about your new family and your role, but also be tired and overwhelmed and frustrated. It's ok to not be on the top of the mountain all the time. My son is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened in my life, second only to the day when I married his papa. But that doesn't mean that some days with my precious child aren't incredibly hard, or that I don't stay up way later than I should trying to put tomorrow's dinner in the crockpot or that I don't have sleepless nights that have nothing to do with a  babe. Because I have all of those things. But I also have grace.

And sometimes grace takes clearing stones with a weary heart and aching bones to prove to you child that it was worth it all.

This season is most certainly a difficult one, but I have no doubt that it will be one of the most rewarding times of my life. My sole purpose during these days is to be an encouraging and faithful wife and an uplifting and caring mama. This will be a story of struggle but also one of great love.

Grace gets deeper the more you trust that the King is good and the King is just. And that forgiveness is stronger than the grave. Sometimes grace takes clearing stones with a weary heart and aching bones to prove to you child that it was worth it all.

Roll away the stones, roll away the stones.

Roll away the stones and come alive.

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lyrics: Clearing Stones by John Lucas

Sunday Truths

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Yes, just yes.

Four Healthy Habits

I have read repeatedly that research shows that it takes at least thirty days of consistently doing something to create a new habit. Since we are at the the beginning of another Whole30, I decided that now would be a great time to make a few new habits. We have been doing the following things on and off for quite a long time, but I am really wanting to make them a routine. So, why not start now?

1 - Oil pulling

This is a practice I've been doing a few times a week and would like to make part of my daily routine. Oil pulling is great for oral health. It whitens teeth and helps to get rid of bacteria in the mouth. (Look mom, no cavities!) Just place about 1 tablespoonful of organic extra virgin coconut oil  in your mouth and swish around for fifteen minutes. I do this while I put on my makeup and get dressed. Then spit out in the trash can and brush your teeth as normal!

{Side note: I am also going to try my hand at making toothpaste soon, with a special ingredient!}

2 - Daily stretching and foam rolling

My body takes quite a beating on a daily basis, from carrying around my chunky monkey babe to standing/walking/bending all day at work to working out. It's important to stretch those muscles and work out any tension or tender spots. This guy has some great exercises.

3 - Ending the day with a book or scripture, not my phone:

There are many reasons that I want to make this new habit, but one of them is the interaction between the brightness of your room and your cortisol levels. The more lights, the higher your cortisol, the less easily you will fall asleep, the more insulin resistant you can become... It's a bad cycle. Also, reading before bed has been shown to improve brain function and slow degenerative diseases such as Alzheimer's. And finally, I want to start and end my day with the one and only thing that truly matters -- Jesus.

4 - Weekly (or more!) meditation:

Ideally I would like to find time to meditate daily, but with a five month old, a full time job and a household, that's just not practical. And instead of setting myself up with an unattainable goal, I'm starting with once a week. I'll probably find a few quite moments on Saturday or Sunday afternoon to meditate. If you have no idea how to get started with meditation (hand raised!), this site is a good place to start.

Do you have any practices that you want to make into habits?

xoxo

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Working Mom 101

Being a working mom is difficult no matter how you slice it. Whether you work part-time or full-time, at home or outside of the home, it's a tough balance to find. And while by no means do I have it all figured out, I thought I'd share some of my tips for surviving and enjoying being a working mama.

1 - Use your slow-cooker:

Every week I make a stew or soup in my slow cooker. Sometimes it's a kitchen sink sort of thing (meat + whatever vegetables we have + fresh herbs) and others it's more planned. Either way, having dinner simmering away with minimal effort on my part is priceless.

2 - Tell your spouse when you need help: 

Not to get all mushy, but my husband is so great you guys. He is always there at the ready when I need help or feel overwhelmed with life. Anything from figuring out what we will eat for dinner to bathing Elliot or getting him to sleep to watching the babe while I workout, my man is there. And I've learned that all I need to do is ask. I think dads aren't always sure how to care for the new babe (and the new mama!) and will wait for us to tell them what we need. And us gals usually expect our men to be mind readers. What a set up for miscommunication! So get vocal and tell your man what you need help with. 

3 - Find time to spend in the Word and with the Lord:

This is essential for everyone, but especially during seasons of change. The Lord uses times of change in my life to sift out the bad and replace it with His good. During the most difficult times of my life, I feel the Lord changing my heart and drawing me closer to Him. Practically, I've been following along at She Reads Truth. For me, having the lovely study packs in hand is tangible accountability to find time daily to renew my soul, even if I have to wait until I put Elliot to sleep. Those ten or fifteen minutes in the Word do more for me than the extra ten or fifteen minutes of sleep. I also download sermons for my daily commute. 

4 - Let it go:

Find something in your life that is overwhelming you and just let it go, at least for now. For me that was stressing over cloth diapering. It was something I really wanted to do, but with my alternating schedule and off days, it was difficult to stay on track with washing every other day. And well, things got a bit... smelly. Also, E's sitter isn't on board with cloth diapering, so when I'm at work, he is in disposables anyway. So, I made the compromise to do natural, plant-based disposables on my work days and put him in cloth dipes when I'm home with him.

5 - Spend some time outside:
Whether its a few minutes on the front porch on Saturday morning, sitting in our hammock chairs in the early evening, or a walk around the neighborhood, getting outside is key for me. On my off days I spend a lot of time inside taking care of E and getting our household in order. Spending just thirty minutes outside soothes my soul, provides a change of scenery for both me and little Elliot, and gives us a chance to soak up some vitamin D (even if it's overcast, you actually get more vitamin D outdoors than in a well-lit room!).

It's not much but it's a start, and everyday I am learning. None the less, little victories sometimes mean the most.

xoxo


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My (First) Five Practical Ways to Live More Simply

I mentioned a few days ago the weight of my heart to focus on living a more simple life. I'm reading this book, but my type-A personality and restless spirit need some action. So I've started with these five things...

1 - Clean out your closet

For me, I decided this will mean getting rid of half of my clothes, or at least attempting to. I have set a limit of keeping only 50-75% of my current wardrobe for a few different reasons. One, I don't need the same wardrobe that I did three years ago. Two, I really don't need six different pairs of black pants and six different pairs of jeans. Even though each pair has its own characteristics, I really don't need them all. Three, I probably only wear about 50% of the clothes that I own.

2 - Recycle old magazines

I am currently going through all my back issues of Whole Living, Domino and clinical pharmacy magazines and cutting out the articles that I want to keep. I am filing them accordingly and placing them in a special folder in our filing cabinet and recycling the remaining magazines. Holding onto these things for pure nostalgia doesn't make sense. These magazines are just sitting in the floor, taking up space.

3 - Get moving
I have found that my mood often improves with even just a little exercise. So whenever I am feeling worried, anxious, stressed or just plain grumpy I either take a walk with my boys or complete a short metcon.

4 - Focus on someone else
Each week I am challenging myself to do something for someone else. I find that this takes my focus off of me and my problems, worries and stresses and more often than not leaves me more thankful and peaceful as a result. It's easy to get caught up in our own lives and forget the needs of those around us. It could be a friend, family member, neighbor or even a stranger. Carry in groceries for your elderly neighbor, donate to your local food pantry, volunteer with the youth group or children's ministry at your church, whatever you can think of, just make sure you do it sincerely!

5 - Postpone purchases
If there is something I want, a pair of shoes, a clothing item, something for the house, I have started waiting three days or a week before spending the money. This makes me really think about my purchases and prevents me from buying things on impulse.


Here's to making changes, new habits and a much simpler life.
xoxo

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Sunday Truths // Living Simply

I've never thought of myself as rich. Middle-class, yes, but never rich. As an adult, I have a good job... and hefty student loans as proof. I have a house and a car (with their respective payments!) and all the other things that a 'grown up' should have. I am beyond thankful for my worldly possessions and recognize that I have much more than many others. But I never thought of myself as rich.

Probably because I have bills, and a budget, and a retirement fund. Probably because I can't go out and spend money without thinking about it, because I can't shop at designer stores or by a house in the mountains. I mean, the Kardashians are rich, not me.

But you guys. I am rich. Not just in the traditional sense. I definitely have more than enough, but I also have knowledge, resources and access. I have so much access to the gospel that it's somewhat absurd. Podcasts, sermon notes, churches on every street, online bible studies, countless books, websites, theologians, a Bible app on my iPhone and iPad, not to mention my hard copy Bible. I am surrounded by access to the gospel, praise God.

But here is the nagging question... 

If I am surrounded by access to God's word and the truths of His promises, why does my life look like everyone else's in America? 

There are people in other countries who literally hang their lives on the gospel, and they often have only a paper and pen copy of the Word. Shouldn't I, who have so much more access to knowledge, so much more ability to dive into the Word, hang my life on the words of those pages all the more?

Jesus tells us that it is harder for a rich person to enter His kingdom than for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle. He also tells us that many will believe that they are following Him, when in truth they are slaves to money. I have always been so sure of my salvation, but in putting those two truths together, I can't help but wonder if my first-world problems are keeping me from the deepest truths of the gospel, keeping me from living a life that points only always and directly to my Maker. 

I don't have the answer. Right now I just have a restless heart and a desire for more.

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On top of this wrestling in my heart has been an insatiable desire to live more simply. I have a few practical ways of making this happen, but for now I am starting with this study. I am also deleting my Facebook account, {attempting} to get rid of half of my clothes, and finally recycling a lot of old magazines that I hang on to simply because of nostalgia. I am savoring every moment I get to nurse my baby boy, the afternoon sunlight in the trees, and my husband's strong, handsome face.

The stress, the anxiety, the over-extension has got. to stop. I was created for a purpose, and that purpose is so much greater than many of the things I spend my energy on. I want to be an encouraging and serving wife, a supportive and uplifting mother, and a godly woman of faith. I want my life to be a legacy that points to the God who created it all. 

I hope you'll join me.

xoxo

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An Update of Sorts

Things have been quiet in this space lately for a few different reasons... life has been pretty hectic, juggling a full-time job, a commute, managing a household, planning/prepping meals and wrangling a new babe. In all honesty I've stayed away partly because I didn't want every post to read 'oh my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed with life,' but that is often my reality these days. We are in the throes of the four month sleep regression (hello, two hour chunks of sleep, I thought you were a thing of the past!), but we starting to figure it out and make concessions where we can. I'm focusing on living in and enjoying each moment, not always looking ahead to what's next. And it's so liberating, you guys. Especially for this planning, organizing type-A gal. 

That's not to say that there aren't long, difficult days. And my ability to deal with these days correlates exactly to the amount of sleep I've gotten (read: the amount of sleep my baby allows me). I know this is stating the obvious, but motherhood is such an adjustment. One day it's just you and your spouse and the next there is a tiny little life that requires your complete and undivided attention, twenty-four hours out of the day.

It's hard, but it's glorious.

So, a few things...

This post on the first three months of motherhood struck a cord with me. My sentiments exactly.

Loving the new She Reads Truth app. Today is the first day of the study on biblical justice, and I am already excited about what I will learn. Also, the study packs are so lovely!

Husband and I are planning a backpacking trip to the Wind River Range in Wyoming for next August, and my restless soul can hardly wait.

We are also planning a two night backpacking trip to the Smoky Mountains this fall as a small preparation trip for the Wind River Range.

We are in the middle of redoing our master bedroom. (side note: large house projects with a new babe are not a good idea. lesson learned.) So far we have freshly painted white walls, a smoothed out ceiling, and lovely dark hardwood floors. Next up is replacing the windows with full-view panes and painting our wood trim white and our doors black. You can find some inspiration pictures here.

Speaking of bedrooms, this quilt is so lovely. I also really love this coverlet in muslin, which would work well with our current monochromatic bedding. I'm all about light, neutral layers when it come to bedding.

This instagram feed in my new favorite. So many great paleo recipe ideas!

Today is my Monday... here's to a great week!

xoxo

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Easter 2014

This year's Easter celebration was {obviously} my favorite yet. We honored our tradition of attending church on the town square, then headed to spend the day with family. We had lunch with my parents and helped my niece and nephews hunt for eggs while my siblings and their spouses doted on little E. He even got an Easter egg from his Mimi with a little start up cash for his piggy bank. ;)

After lunch with my side of the family, we headed over to K's sister's house {which is conveniently right down the street from my parents} for more egg-hunting with nephews. Again, E got lots of sweet attention, and we spent some time outdoors enjoying the glorious sunshine and cool spring breeze. 

And as much as I love Easter because it is a day of family, the true reason for the holiday is so much more important. Praise the Lord that Jesus, the Son of God, was obedient to His Father and suffered torture and death in order that all of us may live in heaven one day. For that I am truly thankful.

xoxo

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Sunday Truths // Fasting

{Write hard and clear about what hurts. -- Ernest Hemingway}

An excerpt from Tangible Repentance on She Reads Truth

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Fasting hurts. It’s tangible and practical repentance, and repentance must change how we live our lives. We turn from the things that give us false comfort, and only have God.

When I read this commentary I was at a vulnerable and emotional place. I was grieving for the type of birth experience I had longed for, mourning my battered and bruised body, and wallowing in self pity. I had just seen a beautiful photo of a friend who had delivered her second baby girl only a few weeks after I had Elliot. Minutes after giving birth, she looked amazing -- perfect hair, perfect makeup, tear-filled eyes holding her baby. It is a stunning moment and a stunning picture. And deep down in the corners of my heart, I was resentful. And jealous. I was certain that she had a Cesarean.. or an epidural.. or something that made her delivery less of a difficult feat than mine. My heart asked why that couldn't have been me. Minutes after delivering Elliot, I was red, swollen, and sweaty with countless broken blood vessels in my eyes and on my neck and chest. There are no pictures of us from those first moments. Partially because the midwife decided to give me a strong pain medication that knocked me out. {I only have fragments of memories from delivery until waking up in  the mother/baby room.} And while I'm still struggling to work through my experience, my resentment and jealousy are not the response that the Lord requires of me. 

This is just one example of my tendency to constantly compare myself to others, even my friends. It's such a damaging and dangerous habit. And sometimes I'm the one who looks better... but it is a false comfort. Through this whole experience I think the Lord is teaching me not only about patience and trust, but about finding my true self worth in Him and Him alone. If I value who I am in Christ and find my comfort in only that, the things and people I compare myself to will cease to matter. In fact, I wouldn't compare myself at all.

So as a tiny act of obedience I am fasting from my social media vice, Instagram, for seven days, hoping that the Lord will begin to change the black corners of my heart and begin to bring me to a place of finding my worth in Him alone. 

 God’s grace and mercy reach even the blackest hearts. And I’m with Paul when he said he was the foremost of sinners. I don’t gouge eyes, yet pride, envy, and wrath are always within arm’s length for me. “But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life." (1 Timothy 1:15-16, ESV)

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The basis of this study is the story of Jonah, and the basis of this commentary is Jonah 3:5-10

{Italicized writing is taken from She Reads Truth}

Sunday Truths // Priorities

With the obvious new shift in our lives, husband and I have been talking about priorities a lot lately. Even in the last month or so of my pregnancy, we began a few new practices that have helped us to refocus, connect with each other, spend more time in the Word, and unplug. It started with an article we read about how we all feel the need to be constantly entertained, constantly doing something. Sitting in traffic checking Instagram... browsing Pinterest and watching TV at night... mindlessly perusing the internet while feeding my baby... checking our email at meal time... etc. Guilty, guilty, guilty. Not that there is anything wrong with social media or technology, we just feel like we need to make a more conscious effort to unplug from it all on a regular basis. So we challenged ourselves to sit for even just a few minutes every day in silence. No radio, no cell phone, no computer. Even if it's on the commute home, just to be still and present wherever we are. I have to say, it is tough. The tendency to reach for my iPhone is a constant reminder of how bombarded we are with it all. And especially now that we are parents, we are trying to soak it all in. Sleepless nights and all, we will never be able to relive this sweet time with our son. That being said, here is a small list of things we have started doing in order to unplug and refocus our priorities onto our family and our faith. 

1 - No social media on Sundays: We both limit our cell phone use to calls and texts on Sundays, even keeping those to a minimum and don't post or check in on Instagram or Facebook. 

2 - If we are anxious or worried about something we talk to each other about it once, pray over our worries, and {try to} let it go. We don't talk about it much more but instead encourage each other to submit our anxieties to the Lord and be present in the day He has given us today. 

3 - Sit for a few minutes in silence, unplugged from everything, and meditate on a verse of scripture or simply talk to the Lord. 

4 - {This one is primarily for me} Instead of feeling lonely and isolated, look at the middle of the night feedings as special one on one time with Elliot, separate from the busyness of the day and the company of family and friends. See it as a time that is just the two of us, a time of my caring and providing for him.

5 - I've mentioned it before, but take a walk around the neighborhood most days of the week, daily if possible. Leave all technology at home and spend thirty minutes together as a family, enjoying the weather and the lovely spring greenery, and talking about whatever comes to mind.

Here's to soaking it all in and being present wherever you are.

xoxo

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Truth // A Trust Without Borders

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. 
Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.

My husband shared this song with me recently, and I have been listening to it repeatedly since then. The lyrics resonate with the place I find myself these days. A place where I feel the waters rising, new challenges to face, difficulties ahead, but I feel a sense of rest and peace knowing that I'm not alone when I call upon the name of the Lord. I am so grateful for His renewing grace that I require constantly these days as the anxiety of childbirth, having a newborn and motherhood in general creep into my mind.

My constant prayer these days is for a trust that knows no borders...

Remember...

{via}

Because reminders are good, and this one was especially timely.

xoxo

Having spent the last week battling a cold, trying to do too much while under the weather, and living with my kitchen in shambles {pictures soon!}, I am acutely aware of the amazing people in my life. 

I am so very grateful for an understanding husband who didn't make me sleep in the guest room despite my hourly coughing fits in the middle of the night, who asked repeatedly if there was anything he could do, who brought me tissues and hot tea, who stayed home from work yesterday so I wouldn't be exposed to paint fumes while the painters finished our kitchen, and who rubbed my back as I slept in fitful bursts on the couch.

I am also grateful for my sweet, caring mother who cheerfully takes on even the most insignificant task as meaningful to someone else. Over the last week she has helped me hang wallpaper in our built-in book shelves and organize the mess of our guest room closets {pre-death's door cold}, spray painted the kitchen hardware when I was feeling puny, swept my kitchen floor, and found and purchased the most perfect piece of furniture that I've been searching for for our second bedroom {details to come!}. 

I am grateful for a boss and co-workers who are understanding and caring, and for being able to genuinely have fun at work.

I am grateful for blue skies, changing leaves and cool breezes, for spending the afternoon wrapped up in a warm blanket on the front porch and having my husband bring me hot tea. 

And most of all, despite it's difficulties past, present and future, I am grateful for this season of my life.

What are your grateful for today?

xoxo

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Small but Significant Changes

In an effort to live life to the fullest, minimize stress and anxiety, and increase overall health and wellness, husband and I have made some changes to our daily routines. Our journey toward wellness started four or five years ago when we transitioned to a paleo diet and lifestyle, but lately we have implemented a few new changes that are definitely resulting in more rest, energy, an greater sense of well-being. 

1. Monitor your television and internet intake

Instead of turning on the television or the computer at the end of the day, we have been making an effort to spend time reading {we have been checking out books from our local library}, sitting on the front porch {the weather has been amazing!}, or sharing our evening meal at the dinner table instead of in the living room. We definitely have shows that we enjoy {hello Master Chef}, but we typically record them and watch them together one or two evenings a week, usually after a loooong day at work.

2. Spend an hour or more each week doing yoga together

Not only is yoga great for strength, flexibility and muscle control, it's great to have a partner. Some stretches can be deepened just by having a pair of hands to hold. Also, we have found that working out together makes us work harder - we encourage and motivate each other to do our very best.

3. Read the same passage of scripture daily or have a weekly family devotional

Even if you read the Bible separately, having something common to discuss allows for great conversations and deeper insights into the Word. Often times we find different perspectives on the same scripture or generate interesting questions and insights just by talking about what we've read. This is also a great practice to start as a couple, and continue as your children grow older. {Side note, I love this website.}

4. Plan and prep your meals for the week... together

I've talked about the importance of a stocked pantry and meal planning before, and we will talk about it again soon, but putting in the effort together makes the process much easier and much more enjoyable. For us this means good tunes in the background, a specific menu with recipes, and delegated tasks for us both. We usually spend about two hours in the kitchen on Sunday afternoon. Typically we make one stovetop meal, bake chicken or boil eggs for lunch salads, toss something in the crockpot, and maybe make a frittata or paleo muffins for snacks. The key though, is that we do it all together.

5. Get eight hours of sleep

I know most of you think this seems impossible, and I know it's gotta feel that way when there are littles involved. BUT, sleep is crucial. I won't get all sciency on you, but a lack of sleep elevates cortisol, a stress hormone, which in turn prevents you from losing weight or gaining muscle, and places your body in a state of constant stress. So look for things you can cut out of your day or save for the weekend. For us, weekly meal planning and cutting out TV gives us the time during the week to get into bed on time.

6. Walk everyday

Even if you only have ten or twenty minutes, take a walk {preferably without your cell phone} together. For me, it helps clear my mind from the days events and allows husband and I to just be together, even if its only for a few minutes.

xoxo

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Hiatus

I took an unannounced two month break from blogging, and I apologize... but I needed some time away to process and accept some major life changes that I wasn't quite ready for. I try to make this space uplifting and encouraging, yet completely honest. And honestly, I haven't been in the best place emotionally  these last couple months.

But by the grace of God, through countless hours in prayer {which I still require today}, and with love and encouragement from friends, family and my amazing husband, I am feeling better.

So here's to being thankful for what you do have, the blessings and opportunities that are present in our lives, and the love and friendship of good people. Here's to happiness and hope in any circumstance, and to honesty above all.

xoxo

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{Thoughts} The Man in the Uniform

{image}

You often hear it said that women love 'a man in a uniform.' You know, the police officers, soldiers, even the suited federal agents. All the law enforcement types. But I never really fell into that category. In fact, when I was in college I routinely stated that I would never date or marry 'a man in a uniform.' I dated musicians, mostly. What can I say? I was a slightly rebellious young woman. I wanted someone unique, artistic. But despite my young words and lack of wisdom, I married a uniform. And that man is strong, caring, respectful, kind and hilarious. It's amazing how the Lord provides you with things you never even knew that you needed. Like security, protection and the promise of love and provision. I know that my husband will always do what is right, will love and protect me and our family in every way, and will fill all of my days with as much happiness as possible, even in the difficult times.

So you see that uniform doesn't just represent authority and power. It represents protection, security, endless love and support, a man who does what it right, even when it is difficult. It represents strength in the midst of uncertainty, leadership and gentleness.

Thank you, all of you men {and women} in uniforms, for being all of those things. And today especially, thank you to all of you {men and women} who wear the uniform of a soldier.

Happy Independence Day.

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One Up: Feelings of Inadequacy

We compare the highlight reels of others to our behind the scenes.

  

ONE UP podcast

I listened to this podcast the other day while I was getting ready for work, and honestly it shook me more than I anticipated. So much so that I felt that perhaps many of you needed to hear it too. So take a few minutes on your way to work, while getting dressed, whenever.

xoxo

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2013: Finding Contentment

Contentment (n.): a quiet, inward disposition that freely submits and delights in its communion with the Almighty Father, the strengthening one

Lately it seems that deep inward contentment in my life is an elusive and intangible thing. I feel it lacking my in daily life, bringing the weight of guilt and shame for my inner discontentment. I am truly so blessed, but I often let my circumstances define my attitude and let negativity steal my joy. And while gratitude journals are a wonderful outlet, I believe that true contentment comes from something much deeper.

I listened to this podcast a few months ago and find myself continually returning to different portions, reminding myself and refocusing my heart on where true contentment comes from. Yes, I am blessed with an amazing husband, a job that provides for my family, incredible friends, and a million tiny worldly joys, but even more than that, the creator of the universe believes that I am precious. So precious that He would crush His Son with the weight of a world of sin, solely that I may be reunited with Him and commune with Him. And focusing on that fact... that brings be true, heartfelt down-to-the-soul contentment.

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Some days are more of a struggle than others, my attitude is far from perfect, but I am growing. I pray daily for a restful mind and a peaceful heart, for a change in circumstances, but most importantly for a change in my heart. And praise the Lord that His grace renews daily {or hourly, as I often require}. I hope you will take a few minutes to listen to this podcast -- in your car, on your lunch break or just for a time of quiet reflection. I promise it will be worth it.

xoxo

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*I struggled with whether or not to publish this post, but in the spirit of transparency and complete honesty, I hope you find it beneficial.  God bless.

Land of the Living

The past few weeks have been challenging, both personally and professionally. I feel as though I am being sifted, spiritually and emotionally. I suppose it's all a part of moving forward, and I know that seasons of self reflection and change make me a better person because they always have. When I look back on difficult times of my life, I can see the changes and the character flaws that prompted them. 

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And while I think this season is coming to a close, I don't believe it is over quite yet. There are changes yet to come, but I am trying my best to keep my heart and mind open. I am surrounding myself with encouraging friends, a steadfast husband, and a sweet {but stinky} pup and allowing time to disconnect -- time for trail runs, weekend coffee on the porch, and long phone calls to friends.

Have a happy weekend. It's good to be back.

xoxo

*This post is in the interest of full disclosure. It is so easy to look at the lives of others through the lens of the internet and assume that other women live such perfect lives. My life is wonderful because of so many things, but it is far from perfect.  

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