Motherhood // Thoughts of a New Mom 03

Grace was enough and grace is enough and grace always will be more than enough to change an old man young and an ankle deep stream to a sea. Grace can't be bought and grace can't be sold, not for the wages of a thousand days. Grace is the gift of a King who longs for His children to see they're not slaves.

I would have never considered myself as someone who struggles with anxiety. During high school and even college, school and studying were my focus but were like second nature to me. I dealt with the typical last minute project stress or worried over a big final, but that was the extent of my anxious thoughts. Studying comes somewhat naturally to me, and I honestly enjoy it. Pharmacy school was a bit different since the stakes are higher, but even then I was able to leave my worries at the door after completing and exam or even a difficult or stressful week.

Looking back, I think my anxiety actually began in the final months of my pregnancy. I was so ready for the 'new normal' and was actively preparing myself mentally and emotionally for the process of labor and delivery. What I didn't anticipate was the amount of tender healing that my own body would require. There was the learning curve of nursing, the sleepless nights and the fact that this perfect, tiny being was completely dependent upon me for survival. It can be so overwhelming.

Then I started back to work at only six weeks postpartum, which came with its own set of stressors. Juggling all the hats was, and still is, pretty exhausting sometimes. Work full-time, commute, make dinner, workout, spend time with my husband, oh yeah and take care of that babe. Not to mention sleep, shower and try to find a sliver of downtime to keep the anxiety at bay. The struggle is so real. There is a constant stream of thoughts in my head that I just can't shake. I worry about Elliot, how much he's eating, whether I'm pumping enough. I worry about vaccines and infections and his exposure to germs. I worry about my own health, lack of sleep, headaches and almost nonexistent workout schedule. I worry about my husband, and I miss him. I worry about money and jobs and health and all of the other things.

So apparently, mine is a story about anxiety... but it's also one about grace. And I share this to encourage all of you who may be dealing with the same thing. It's ok to be joyful about your new family and your role, but also be tired and overwhelmed and frustrated. It's ok to not be on the top of the mountain all the time. My son is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened in my life, second only to the day when I married his papa. But that doesn't mean that some days with my precious child aren't incredibly hard, or that I don't stay up way later than I should trying to put tomorrow's dinner in the crockpot or that I don't have sleepless nights that have nothing to do with a  babe. Because I have all of those things. But I also have grace.

And sometimes grace takes clearing stones with a weary heart and aching bones to prove to you child that it was worth it all.

This season is most certainly a difficult one, but I have no doubt that it will be one of the most rewarding times of my life. My sole purpose during these days is to be an encouraging and faithful wife and an uplifting and caring mama. This will be a story of struggle but also one of great love.

Grace gets deeper the more you trust that the King is good and the King is just. And that forgiveness is stronger than the grave. Sometimes grace takes clearing stones with a weary heart and aching bones to prove to you child that it was worth it all.

Roll away the stones, roll away the stones.

Roll away the stones and come alive.

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lyrics: Clearing Stones by John Lucas

Thirty-two

Today is my thirty second birthday.

Not gonna lie, just typing that made me feel pretty old. Something about becoming a mom {maybe lack of sleep?} makes this year feel different. This year I can finally feel the distance between my life and that of my twenty-something friends. I actually mentioned to one of them the other day that I feel every bit of my thirty two years this year. And while part of me is nostalgic for those feelings of freedom and possibility, I wouldn't want to go back. Thirty and thirty one were some of my happiest years, and I know that there are so many happy memories in this next year just waiting to be made.

So here's to another year, a life that looks totally different than it did one or two years ago, being a supportive wife and an encouraging mama. Here's to a life so full of love that it overflows all around,  one full of adventure and awe, one that writes a beautiful story of grace and mercy.

Here's to thirty two.

xoxo

Elliot West // Six Months

You guys, my baby boy is six months old today.

I just need to let that sink in.

 He is sleeping peacefully in his crib in his room and will {hopefully} not wake up to eat until around 3am. Gone are the days of feeding every two or three hours, of hourly diaper changes. But also, gone are the days of tiny, incoherent squeals, the days of tiny fingers and toes and blonde fuzz in place of hair, of him sleeping peacefully between us. My boy is so strong and handsome and growing like a weed. He sleeps in the most insane positions and flips from front to back to front all night long. He is so loving, fun and laid back, he smiles and laughs so much! He scoots his way across the floor to get to my slippers, a toy or Sambo - he will be crawling so soon. He loves when I sing to him at night. He looks up at me with the sweetest expression and often reaches out his little hand to touch my face and my heart simultaneously melts and soars. It's hard to remember just how tiny and fragile he was. And part of me misses those precious early days, but part of me is so excited for all the things our future holds. Motherhood truly is bittersweet.

Happy six months bean.

I would always choose you to be mine.

xoxo

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Working Mom 101

Being a working mom is difficult no matter how you slice it. Whether you work part-time or full-time, at home or outside of the home, it's a tough balance to find. And while by no means do I have it all figured out, I thought I'd share some of my tips for surviving and enjoying being a working mama.

1 - Use your slow-cooker:

Every week I make a stew or soup in my slow cooker. Sometimes it's a kitchen sink sort of thing (meat + whatever vegetables we have + fresh herbs) and others it's more planned. Either way, having dinner simmering away with minimal effort on my part is priceless.

2 - Tell your spouse when you need help: 

Not to get all mushy, but my husband is so great you guys. He is always there at the ready when I need help or feel overwhelmed with life. Anything from figuring out what we will eat for dinner to bathing Elliot or getting him to sleep to watching the babe while I workout, my man is there. And I've learned that all I need to do is ask. I think dads aren't always sure how to care for the new babe (and the new mama!) and will wait for us to tell them what we need. And us gals usually expect our men to be mind readers. What a set up for miscommunication! So get vocal and tell your man what you need help with. 

3 - Find time to spend in the Word and with the Lord:

This is essential for everyone, but especially during seasons of change. The Lord uses times of change in my life to sift out the bad and replace it with His good. During the most difficult times of my life, I feel the Lord changing my heart and drawing me closer to Him. Practically, I've been following along at She Reads Truth. For me, having the lovely study packs in hand is tangible accountability to find time daily to renew my soul, even if I have to wait until I put Elliot to sleep. Those ten or fifteen minutes in the Word do more for me than the extra ten or fifteen minutes of sleep. I also download sermons for my daily commute. 

4 - Let it go:

Find something in your life that is overwhelming you and just let it go, at least for now. For me that was stressing over cloth diapering. It was something I really wanted to do, but with my alternating schedule and off days, it was difficult to stay on track with washing every other day. And well, things got a bit... smelly. Also, E's sitter isn't on board with cloth diapering, so when I'm at work, he is in disposables anyway. So, I made the compromise to do natural, plant-based disposables on my work days and put him in cloth dipes when I'm home with him.

5 - Spend some time outside:
Whether its a few minutes on the front porch on Saturday morning, sitting in our hammock chairs in the early evening, or a walk around the neighborhood, getting outside is key for me. On my off days I spend a lot of time inside taking care of E and getting our household in order. Spending just thirty minutes outside soothes my soul, provides a change of scenery for both me and little Elliot, and gives us a chance to soak up some vitamin D (even if it's overcast, you actually get more vitamin D outdoors than in a well-lit room!).

It's not much but it's a start, and everyday I am learning. None the less, little victories sometimes mean the most.

xoxo


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An Update of Sorts

Things have been quiet in this space lately for a few different reasons... life has been pretty hectic, juggling a full-time job, a commute, managing a household, planning/prepping meals and wrangling a new babe. In all honesty I've stayed away partly because I didn't want every post to read 'oh my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed with life,' but that is often my reality these days. We are in the throes of the four month sleep regression (hello, two hour chunks of sleep, I thought you were a thing of the past!), but we starting to figure it out and make concessions where we can. I'm focusing on living in and enjoying each moment, not always looking ahead to what's next. And it's so liberating, you guys. Especially for this planning, organizing type-A gal. 

That's not to say that there aren't long, difficult days. And my ability to deal with these days correlates exactly to the amount of sleep I've gotten (read: the amount of sleep my baby allows me). I know this is stating the obvious, but motherhood is such an adjustment. One day it's just you and your spouse and the next there is a tiny little life that requires your complete and undivided attention, twenty-four hours out of the day.

It's hard, but it's glorious.

So, a few things...

This post on the first three months of motherhood struck a cord with me. My sentiments exactly.

Loving the new She Reads Truth app. Today is the first day of the study on biblical justice, and I am already excited about what I will learn. Also, the study packs are so lovely!

Husband and I are planning a backpacking trip to the Wind River Range in Wyoming for next August, and my restless soul can hardly wait.

We are also planning a two night backpacking trip to the Smoky Mountains this fall as a small preparation trip for the Wind River Range.

We are in the middle of redoing our master bedroom. (side note: large house projects with a new babe are not a good idea. lesson learned.) So far we have freshly painted white walls, a smoothed out ceiling, and lovely dark hardwood floors. Next up is replacing the windows with full-view panes and painting our wood trim white and our doors black. You can find some inspiration pictures here.

Speaking of bedrooms, this quilt is so lovely. I also really love this coverlet in muslin, which would work well with our current monochromatic bedding. I'm all about light, neutral layers when it come to bedding.

This instagram feed in my new favorite. So many great paleo recipe ideas!

Today is my Monday... here's to a great week!

xoxo

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Healthy Living // Post-Baby Fitness

Weeks after giving birth and experiencing the healing that then ensues, the reality of working out was overwhelming. Nonetheless, post-baby fitness is so important to me. I honestly only have about  five pounds that I want to lose, and I am certain that eating paleo throughout my pregnancy and breastfeeding have allowed me to get really close to my pre-baby weight quickly and with minimal effort.

Just to give myself a set schedule and not have to think up workouts, I joined EPLifeFit for the next couple months. The basics of the program include Olympic lifts and short metabolic conditioning workouts. And after only a few weeks, I can tell a difference. I am also back to eating strict paleo with an allowance for a few extra carbs and calories since E is still exclusively nursing.

This is what my current workout schedule looks like: 

-- I workout on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday and complete a two part workout. 

Part one: Heavy Lift Rotation (back squat or deadlift or bench press)

Part two: Metabolic conditioning workout (metcon), always less than 20 minutes

-- On weekday afternoons we take walks around the neighborhood. As I mentioned last week, Elliot loves to be outside, so late afternoon walks as a family are one of our favorite things.

-- If possible, I try to sneak in 30 minutes of yoga at least once a week. This usually occurs while little E is napping, but I often have to choose between practicing yoga and prepping dinner... and dinner typically wins.

-- Saturdays are for trail runs, swimming laps, long walks in the woods, yoga, riding my road bike or any other sport type activity. If  we have time or feel like doing one of these activities, we do them, but there's no pressure. I no longer use running or swimming as my means of maintaining fitness. Instead it is a hobby, a sport I enjoy. {Read more about why I've made this change here.}

-- After listening to this super interesting podcast, we also recently started making mobility exercises a priority, aiming for at least three days a week of committed stretching, foam rolling, or completing one of these alignment videos.

Also, it is super important to note that exercise isn't enough. Eating whole, paleo foods is absolutely essential for good body composition, fitness and general well-being. And we can't forget sleep. Getting enough sleep helps keep cortisol levels low, which allows for good body composition, fitness and well-being.{That being said, I am probably not getting enough sleep these days, but with a 10 week old and going back to work, it just isn't possible some days. I do my best to get at least 6 hours and have at least one night a week where my sweet husband takes over night duty so I can get some uninterrupted sleep. I definitely notice a difference in my workouts on the nights that I get less sleep, though!}

Hope this helps any of you working to get rid of baby weight or anyone trying to improve overall strength and body composition. I truly believe in this plan and this type of exercise!

xoxo

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Motherhood // Thoughts of a New Mom 02

8 WEEKS...
Has it really been eight weeks since I brought this sweet little man into the world? In some ways those first few overwhelming, sleep-deprived but oh so wonderful days feel like yesterday. And in other ways it seems like we are figuring this thing out and finding our new normal. I've said it before, but the best advice I received about this whole process... 'Don't. Blink.' So true.

I am back at work but only part time for now. I will eventually go back full time, most likely in June or July, but for now having a few days during the week at home with E is essential. The first day back was difficult but not nearly as difficult as I thought it would be. Still, those evening cuddles with my little one are oh so precious and necessary after 11 hours away from him. Luckily, my amazing/generous/rockstar mom is keeping Elliot while we are at work. Such a blessing, I can't even begin to explain.

A few other miscellaneous thoughts from this new mom trying to figure this whole thing out...

-- Babies should come with a dashboard that has indicator lights for bored, overstimulated, I need to be held, I just need to cry and so so sleepy.

-- One on one time with my husband, although sometimes difficult to obtain, is so crucial. I miss that guy so much some days even though he is in the same room.

-- My babe's coos are my absolute favorite sound.

-- Little E is growing so fast it's insane. Despite the fact that his mama is somewhat of a shrimp, he already fills out his three month clothes. What?!

-- Those deep blue grey eyes are the best sight in the world after a long day at work. I seriously hope they don't change color... but if they do, a deep brown like his daddy's would be so handsome. 

-- Elliot loves being outside, a trait he inherited from both his parents, but especially his papa. Our new trick is that when he is starting to get fussy, we simply walk outside and talk about the trees and flowers and squirrels and he quietens down immediately. I may have been known to put the Roo in front of the window so I can prepare dinner. ;) Peace at any cost, right??

Also, we are planning to switch to cloth diapers here in the next month or so. Any suggestions, techniques, tip and tricks are welcome!

xoxo

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Life Lens // Little Moments

A few snippets of our life lately and sweet little moments, some via iPhone and the VSCO app, some via our DSLR.

{So. Much. Sweetness.}

{In love with our Stokke Scoot! Perfect for afternoon walks around the neighborhood on pretty days. And outings for lunch in the city. LOVE this place. We also made some bone broth with fresh oregano from the garden. So so good.}

{Date night in Athens with my one and only. We saw this band and this one. So so good. Also, the Georgia Theater rooftop is my new favorite place.}

xoxo

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Baby Talk // My Newborn Favorites

There is no shortage of lists out there that tell you what all you "need" for your first baby. It is completely overwhelming, in my opinion. Luckily I have an amazing support group of mama friends that not only gave me the low down on what I really may need but were also generous enough to let us borrow some of the more ahem costly items that their babies had outgrown. Coupled with our commitment to registering for only what we thought we'd really use, we were able to keep our 'baby stuff' to a minimum. And while some things really are superfluous, there were items that we originally thought unnecessary that we ended up purchasing and use often. While I know our 'necessities' will change as Elliot ages, here is a list of my current personal essentials, pared down to what we use the most.

Sleep Sheep Sound Machine: gifted to E by his Mimi, this sounds machine works wonders at night. E responds well to the "S's" {side, swaddle, shush, sway, suck}, and I love that it has a timer. Added bonus is the soft material and the fact that my iPhone speakers are no longer working overtime. 

Aden + Anais Muslin Swaddle Blankets: our favorite light-weight blankets that also make great swaddlers

The Honest Company Body Oil: we use this after bath time to keep little man's skin soft and smooth. I try not to put too many products on him so his skin will stay healthy, and this sweet smelling natural oil is my favorite.

Pee-pee Teepees: filed under 'things I was sure we didn't need,' I use with every diaper change. After being whizzed on and cleaning up the wall behind the changing table at 3am one to many times, I broke down and bought them. Definitely a good investment if you ask me. 

Earth Mama Angel Baby Bottom Balm: we use this with every messy diaper because it  is filled with delicious smelling herbs and works so well to prevent diaper rash naturally.

Aden + Anais Stroller Blanket: a slightly heavier blanket that is oh so soft and snug

Summer Infant Organic Cotton Swaddle Wrap: soft organic cotton and so easy to use at 3am when you're just. so. tired.

Bum Genius Flannel Wipes: we wet these with warm water and use them in lieu of pre-moistened wipes to keep little man's bum free from rashes. 

4moms Infant tub: this is something we borrowed from my girl Kindredly. Is it necessary? No. Does it make my life easier and bath time more enjoyable for E? Yes. Is there another less costly tub that would work as well? Probably. Nonetheless, I love this tub. '

Books: because E loves hear our voices and loves to look at the pictures, and I love reading stories to him already. 

What are/were your newborn essentials?

xoxo

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Sunday Truths // Fasting

{Write hard and clear about what hurts. -- Ernest Hemingway}

An excerpt from Tangible Repentance on She Reads Truth

{via}

Fasting hurts. It’s tangible and practical repentance, and repentance must change how we live our lives. We turn from the things that give us false comfort, and only have God.

When I read this commentary I was at a vulnerable and emotional place. I was grieving for the type of birth experience I had longed for, mourning my battered and bruised body, and wallowing in self pity. I had just seen a beautiful photo of a friend who had delivered her second baby girl only a few weeks after I had Elliot. Minutes after giving birth, she looked amazing -- perfect hair, perfect makeup, tear-filled eyes holding her baby. It is a stunning moment and a stunning picture. And deep down in the corners of my heart, I was resentful. And jealous. I was certain that she had a Cesarean.. or an epidural.. or something that made her delivery less of a difficult feat than mine. My heart asked why that couldn't have been me. Minutes after delivering Elliot, I was red, swollen, and sweaty with countless broken blood vessels in my eyes and on my neck and chest. There are no pictures of us from those first moments. Partially because the midwife decided to give me a strong pain medication that knocked me out. {I only have fragments of memories from delivery until waking up in  the mother/baby room.} And while I'm still struggling to work through my experience, my resentment and jealousy are not the response that the Lord requires of me. 

This is just one example of my tendency to constantly compare myself to others, even my friends. It's such a damaging and dangerous habit. And sometimes I'm the one who looks better... but it is a false comfort. Through this whole experience I think the Lord is teaching me not only about patience and trust, but about finding my true self worth in Him and Him alone. If I value who I am in Christ and find my comfort in only that, the things and people I compare myself to will cease to matter. In fact, I wouldn't compare myself at all.

So as a tiny act of obedience I am fasting from my social media vice, Instagram, for seven days, hoping that the Lord will begin to change the black corners of my heart and begin to bring me to a place of finding my worth in Him alone. 

 God’s grace and mercy reach even the blackest hearts. And I’m with Paul when he said he was the foremost of sinners. I don’t gouge eyes, yet pride, envy, and wrath are always within arm’s length for me. “But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life." (1 Timothy 1:15-16, ESV)

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The basis of this study is the story of Jonah, and the basis of this commentary is Jonah 3:5-10

{Italicized writing is taken from She Reads Truth}

Motherhood // Thoughts of a New Mom

A few thoughts from the last few weeks of being a mom...

-- Mothers should automatically grow a third arm that can be taken on and off as needed for maneuvering around with a newborn.

-- Nothing can prepare you for life as a first-time mom, not even all the baby books in the world.

-- The mamaRoo is a total life-saver {thanks Les!}

-- The first few days of breastfeeding are tough, but it is so worth pushing through to get to the sweet spot.

-- When your baby's diaper leaks every.single.time he urinates, just laugh, change his clothes and move on. Even when he pees on the wall and it runs down behind the changing table...

-- It's okay to tell friends and family that you need a day at home alone.

-- Brussels sprouts and breast feeding don't. Place them in the same category as broccoli.

-- Someone should teach a class on how to do anything and everything one-handed, specific tasks include putting on makeup, working on the computer, preparing breakfast {or any other meal for that matter}, and getting dressed.

-- The whole 'it takes a village' philosophy is so. so. true.

-- I never realized how much I love uninterrupted sleep at night.


xoxo

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Sunday Truths // Priorities

With the obvious new shift in our lives, husband and I have been talking about priorities a lot lately. Even in the last month or so of my pregnancy, we began a few new practices that have helped us to refocus, connect with each other, spend more time in the Word, and unplug. It started with an article we read about how we all feel the need to be constantly entertained, constantly doing something. Sitting in traffic checking Instagram... browsing Pinterest and watching TV at night... mindlessly perusing the internet while feeding my baby... checking our email at meal time... etc. Guilty, guilty, guilty. Not that there is anything wrong with social media or technology, we just feel like we need to make a more conscious effort to unplug from it all on a regular basis. So we challenged ourselves to sit for even just a few minutes every day in silence. No radio, no cell phone, no computer. Even if it's on the commute home, just to be still and present wherever we are. I have to say, it is tough. The tendency to reach for my iPhone is a constant reminder of how bombarded we are with it all. And especially now that we are parents, we are trying to soak it all in. Sleepless nights and all, we will never be able to relive this sweet time with our son. That being said, here is a small list of things we have started doing in order to unplug and refocus our priorities onto our family and our faith. 

1 - No social media on Sundays: We both limit our cell phone use to calls and texts on Sundays, even keeping those to a minimum and don't post or check in on Instagram or Facebook. 

2 - If we are anxious or worried about something we talk to each other about it once, pray over our worries, and {try to} let it go. We don't talk about it much more but instead encourage each other to submit our anxieties to the Lord and be present in the day He has given us today. 

3 - Sit for a few minutes in silence, unplugged from everything, and meditate on a verse of scripture or simply talk to the Lord. 

4 - {This one is primarily for me} Instead of feeling lonely and isolated, look at the middle of the night feedings as special one on one time with Elliot, separate from the busyness of the day and the company of family and friends. See it as a time that is just the two of us, a time of my caring and providing for him.

5 - I've mentioned it before, but take a walk around the neighborhood most days of the week, daily if possible. Leave all technology at home and spend thirty minutes together as a family, enjoying the weather and the lovely spring greenery, and talking about whatever comes to mind.

Here's to soaking it all in and being present wherever you are.

xoxo

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Elliot West // Our Greatest Adventure

Our sweet son Elliot was born last Monday, March 17th at 2:56pm after what was unexpectedly a difficult delivery. What matters most is that he is perfect and healthy and so am I. Elliot weighed in at 7 pounds, 3 ounces and measured 19 inches long -- a bit bigger than we expected! This last week has been a roller coaster of emotions, late night feedings, countless sweet kisses, and early morning cuddles in Grandma's rocking chair. 

{1 week old!}

More thoughts soon.

xoxo

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