Right Now...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson

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Sunday Truths

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Yes, just yes.

Sunday Truths // Living Simply

I've never thought of myself as rich. Middle-class, yes, but never rich. As an adult, I have a good job... and hefty student loans as proof. I have a house and a car (with their respective payments!) and all the other things that a 'grown up' should have. I am beyond thankful for my worldly possessions and recognize that I have much more than many others. But I never thought of myself as rich.

Probably because I have bills, and a budget, and a retirement fund. Probably because I can't go out and spend money without thinking about it, because I can't shop at designer stores or by a house in the mountains. I mean, the Kardashians are rich, not me.

But you guys. I am rich. Not just in the traditional sense. I definitely have more than enough, but I also have knowledge, resources and access. I have so much access to the gospel that it's somewhat absurd. Podcasts, sermon notes, churches on every street, online bible studies, countless books, websites, theologians, a Bible app on my iPhone and iPad, not to mention my hard copy Bible. I am surrounded by access to the gospel, praise God.

But here is the nagging question... 

If I am surrounded by access to God's word and the truths of His promises, why does my life look like everyone else's in America? 

There are people in other countries who literally hang their lives on the gospel, and they often have only a paper and pen copy of the Word. Shouldn't I, who have so much more access to knowledge, so much more ability to dive into the Word, hang my life on the words of those pages all the more?

Jesus tells us that it is harder for a rich person to enter His kingdom than for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle. He also tells us that many will believe that they are following Him, when in truth they are slaves to money. I have always been so sure of my salvation, but in putting those two truths together, I can't help but wonder if my first-world problems are keeping me from the deepest truths of the gospel, keeping me from living a life that points only always and directly to my Maker. 

I don't have the answer. Right now I just have a restless heart and a desire for more.

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On top of this wrestling in my heart has been an insatiable desire to live more simply. I have a few practical ways of making this happen, but for now I am starting with this study. I am also deleting my Facebook account, {attempting} to get rid of half of my clothes, and finally recycling a lot of old magazines that I hang on to simply because of nostalgia. I am savoring every moment I get to nurse my baby boy, the afternoon sunlight in the trees, and my husband's strong, handsome face.

The stress, the anxiety, the over-extension has got. to stop. I was created for a purpose, and that purpose is so much greater than many of the things I spend my energy on. I want to be an encouraging and serving wife, a supportive and uplifting mother, and a godly woman of faith. I want my life to be a legacy that points to the God who created it all. 

I hope you'll join me.

xoxo

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Easter 2014

This year's Easter celebration was {obviously} my favorite yet. We honored our tradition of attending church on the town square, then headed to spend the day with family. We had lunch with my parents and helped my niece and nephews hunt for eggs while my siblings and their spouses doted on little E. He even got an Easter egg from his Mimi with a little start up cash for his piggy bank. ;)

After lunch with my side of the family, we headed over to K's sister's house {which is conveniently right down the street from my parents} for more egg-hunting with nephews. Again, E got lots of sweet attention, and we spent some time outdoors enjoying the glorious sunshine and cool spring breeze. 

And as much as I love Easter because it is a day of family, the true reason for the holiday is so much more important. Praise the Lord that Jesus, the Son of God, was obedient to His Father and suffered torture and death in order that all of us may live in heaven one day. For that I am truly thankful.

xoxo

copyright Hiking in Stilettos 

Sunday Truths // Fasting

{Write hard and clear about what hurts. -- Ernest Hemingway}

An excerpt from Tangible Repentance on She Reads Truth

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Fasting hurts. It’s tangible and practical repentance, and repentance must change how we live our lives. We turn from the things that give us false comfort, and only have God.

When I read this commentary I was at a vulnerable and emotional place. I was grieving for the type of birth experience I had longed for, mourning my battered and bruised body, and wallowing in self pity. I had just seen a beautiful photo of a friend who had delivered her second baby girl only a few weeks after I had Elliot. Minutes after giving birth, she looked amazing -- perfect hair, perfect makeup, tear-filled eyes holding her baby. It is a stunning moment and a stunning picture. And deep down in the corners of my heart, I was resentful. And jealous. I was certain that she had a Cesarean.. or an epidural.. or something that made her delivery less of a difficult feat than mine. My heart asked why that couldn't have been me. Minutes after delivering Elliot, I was red, swollen, and sweaty with countless broken blood vessels in my eyes and on my neck and chest. There are no pictures of us from those first moments. Partially because the midwife decided to give me a strong pain medication that knocked me out. {I only have fragments of memories from delivery until waking up in  the mother/baby room.} And while I'm still struggling to work through my experience, my resentment and jealousy are not the response that the Lord requires of me. 

This is just one example of my tendency to constantly compare myself to others, even my friends. It's such a damaging and dangerous habit. And sometimes I'm the one who looks better... but it is a false comfort. Through this whole experience I think the Lord is teaching me not only about patience and trust, but about finding my true self worth in Him and Him alone. If I value who I am in Christ and find my comfort in only that, the things and people I compare myself to will cease to matter. In fact, I wouldn't compare myself at all.

So as a tiny act of obedience I am fasting from my social media vice, Instagram, for seven days, hoping that the Lord will begin to change the black corners of my heart and begin to bring me to a place of finding my worth in Him alone. 

 God’s grace and mercy reach even the blackest hearts. And I’m with Paul when he said he was the foremost of sinners. I don’t gouge eyes, yet pride, envy, and wrath are always within arm’s length for me. “But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life." (1 Timothy 1:15-16, ESV)

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The basis of this study is the story of Jonah, and the basis of this commentary is Jonah 3:5-10

{Italicized writing is taken from She Reads Truth}

Sunday Truths // Priorities

With the obvious new shift in our lives, husband and I have been talking about priorities a lot lately. Even in the last month or so of my pregnancy, we began a few new practices that have helped us to refocus, connect with each other, spend more time in the Word, and unplug. It started with an article we read about how we all feel the need to be constantly entertained, constantly doing something. Sitting in traffic checking Instagram... browsing Pinterest and watching TV at night... mindlessly perusing the internet while feeding my baby... checking our email at meal time... etc. Guilty, guilty, guilty. Not that there is anything wrong with social media or technology, we just feel like we need to make a more conscious effort to unplug from it all on a regular basis. So we challenged ourselves to sit for even just a few minutes every day in silence. No radio, no cell phone, no computer. Even if it's on the commute home, just to be still and present wherever we are. I have to say, it is tough. The tendency to reach for my iPhone is a constant reminder of how bombarded we are with it all. And especially now that we are parents, we are trying to soak it all in. Sleepless nights and all, we will never be able to relive this sweet time with our son. That being said, here is a small list of things we have started doing in order to unplug and refocus our priorities onto our family and our faith. 

1 - No social media on Sundays: We both limit our cell phone use to calls and texts on Sundays, even keeping those to a minimum and don't post or check in on Instagram or Facebook. 

2 - If we are anxious or worried about something we talk to each other about it once, pray over our worries, and {try to} let it go. We don't talk about it much more but instead encourage each other to submit our anxieties to the Lord and be present in the day He has given us today. 

3 - Sit for a few minutes in silence, unplugged from everything, and meditate on a verse of scripture or simply talk to the Lord. 

4 - {This one is primarily for me} Instead of feeling lonely and isolated, look at the middle of the night feedings as special one on one time with Elliot, separate from the busyness of the day and the company of family and friends. See it as a time that is just the two of us, a time of my caring and providing for him.

5 - I've mentioned it before, but take a walk around the neighborhood most days of the week, daily if possible. Leave all technology at home and spend thirty minutes together as a family, enjoying the weather and the lovely spring greenery, and talking about whatever comes to mind.

Here's to soaking it all in and being present wherever you are.

xoxo

copyright Hiking in Stilettos 

Truth // A Trust Without Borders

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. 
Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.

My husband shared this song with me recently, and I have been listening to it repeatedly since then. The lyrics resonate with the place I find myself these days. A place where I feel the waters rising, new challenges to face, difficulties ahead, but I feel a sense of rest and peace knowing that I'm not alone when I call upon the name of the Lord. I am so grateful for His renewing grace that I require constantly these days as the anxiety of childbirth, having a newborn and motherhood in general creep into my mind.

My constant prayer these days is for a trust that knows no borders...

Remember...

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Because reminders are good, and this one was especially timely.

xoxo

Small but Significant Changes

In an effort to live life to the fullest, minimize stress and anxiety, and increase overall health and wellness, husband and I have made some changes to our daily routines. Our journey toward wellness started four or five years ago when we transitioned to a paleo diet and lifestyle, but lately we have implemented a few new changes that are definitely resulting in more rest, energy, an greater sense of well-being. 

1. Monitor your television and internet intake

Instead of turning on the television or the computer at the end of the day, we have been making an effort to spend time reading {we have been checking out books from our local library}, sitting on the front porch {the weather has been amazing!}, or sharing our evening meal at the dinner table instead of in the living room. We definitely have shows that we enjoy {hello Master Chef}, but we typically record them and watch them together one or two evenings a week, usually after a loooong day at work.

2. Spend an hour or more each week doing yoga together

Not only is yoga great for strength, flexibility and muscle control, it's great to have a partner. Some stretches can be deepened just by having a pair of hands to hold. Also, we have found that working out together makes us work harder - we encourage and motivate each other to do our very best.

3. Read the same passage of scripture daily or have a weekly family devotional

Even if you read the Bible separately, having something common to discuss allows for great conversations and deeper insights into the Word. Often times we find different perspectives on the same scripture or generate interesting questions and insights just by talking about what we've read. This is also a great practice to start as a couple, and continue as your children grow older. {Side note, I love this website.}

4. Plan and prep your meals for the week... together

I've talked about the importance of a stocked pantry and meal planning before, and we will talk about it again soon, but putting in the effort together makes the process much easier and much more enjoyable. For us this means good tunes in the background, a specific menu with recipes, and delegated tasks for us both. We usually spend about two hours in the kitchen on Sunday afternoon. Typically we make one stovetop meal, bake chicken or boil eggs for lunch salads, toss something in the crockpot, and maybe make a frittata or paleo muffins for snacks. The key though, is that we do it all together.

5. Get eight hours of sleep

I know most of you think this seems impossible, and I know it's gotta feel that way when there are littles involved. BUT, sleep is crucial. I won't get all sciency on you, but a lack of sleep elevates cortisol, a stress hormone, which in turn prevents you from losing weight or gaining muscle, and places your body in a state of constant stress. So look for things you can cut out of your day or save for the weekend. For us, weekly meal planning and cutting out TV gives us the time during the week to get into bed on time.

6. Walk everyday

Even if you only have ten or twenty minutes, take a walk {preferably without your cell phone} together. For me, it helps clear my mind from the days events and allows husband and I to just be together, even if its only for a few minutes.

xoxo

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Hiatus

I took an unannounced two month break from blogging, and I apologize... but I needed some time away to process and accept some major life changes that I wasn't quite ready for. I try to make this space uplifting and encouraging, yet completely honest. And honestly, I haven't been in the best place emotionally  these last couple months.

But by the grace of God, through countless hours in prayer {which I still require today}, and with love and encouragement from friends, family and my amazing husband, I am feeling better.

So here's to being thankful for what you do have, the blessings and opportunities that are present in our lives, and the love and friendship of good people. Here's to happiness and hope in any circumstance, and to honesty above all.

xoxo

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One Up: Feelings of Inadequacy

We compare the highlight reels of others to our behind the scenes.

  

ONE UP podcast

I listened to this podcast the other day while I was getting ready for work, and honestly it shook me more than I anticipated. So much so that I felt that perhaps many of you needed to hear it too. So take a few minutes on your way to work, while getting dressed, whenever.

xoxo

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2013: Finding Contentment

Contentment (n.): a quiet, inward disposition that freely submits and delights in its communion with the Almighty Father, the strengthening one

Lately it seems that deep inward contentment in my life is an elusive and intangible thing. I feel it lacking my in daily life, bringing the weight of guilt and shame for my inner discontentment. I am truly so blessed, but I often let my circumstances define my attitude and let negativity steal my joy. And while gratitude journals are a wonderful outlet, I believe that true contentment comes from something much deeper.

I listened to this podcast a few months ago and find myself continually returning to different portions, reminding myself and refocusing my heart on where true contentment comes from. Yes, I am blessed with an amazing husband, a job that provides for my family, incredible friends, and a million tiny worldly joys, but even more than that, the creator of the universe believes that I am precious. So precious that He would crush His Son with the weight of a world of sin, solely that I may be reunited with Him and commune with Him. And focusing on that fact... that brings be true, heartfelt down-to-the-soul contentment.

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Some days are more of a struggle than others, my attitude is far from perfect, but I am growing. I pray daily for a restful mind and a peaceful heart, for a change in circumstances, but most importantly for a change in my heart. And praise the Lord that His grace renews daily {or hourly, as I often require}. I hope you will take a few minutes to listen to this podcast -- in your car, on your lunch break or just for a time of quiet reflection. I promise it will be worth it.

xoxo

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*I struggled with whether or not to publish this post, but in the spirit of transparency and complete honesty, I hope you find it beneficial.  God bless.

Quietude

{Job 26:7-10, 14}

Lately I've found myself craving more time for silent reflection. My soul feels unsettled, yet have no answers for all of its questions. I feel bombarded by wants, necessities, responsibility and the vastness of endless possibilities.

This isn't inherently bad, though. Being sifted, as I call it, allows us to grow and change.. to refocus our energies.. to become a better version of ourselves. I don't know where this will leave me but even in the throes of this soul-searching journey, I am in awe of the beauty in this life of mine.

Happy weekend.

xoxo

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2013: Focusing on Gratitude

One of the simplest ways to gain perspective is to keep a gratitude journal. Having a visible, tangible representation of things hat I am grateful for helps to soothe my soul after a challenging day and reminds me of the countless blessings in my life. It's also uplifting to read my past gratitudes and relive the precious moments I recorded. Most of my gratitudes deal with my husband, family and friends, but sometimes even the small things like french roast coffee can make your day just a bit brighter.

So, for 2013 I challenge you to keep a gratitude journal. Every day, or as often as you choose, jot down one thing that you are thankful for that day. I also like to record one moment from the day that touched me or one that I just want to remember. Even in the face of adversity, we are so very blessed.

xoxo

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Good Friday Favorites

This weekend is one of my favorite of the year, with today being Good Friday and Sunday being Easter. It's the perfect time to stop and reflect upon the suffering that our Savior endured simply because of His great love for us... A time to remember how precious our families are and how our time with them is so limited.

Today is Friday, the day that Jesus was betrayed, beaten and crucified. The day that Peter doubted. Today is a day of pain and suffering... but Sunday is coming. 

And Sunday is a day of resurrection and healing, of triumph. It is a display of the Lord's undeniable glory.

Also...

A great article on marriage imagery in the gospel.

My favorite daily podcasts for biblical understanding and application.

Happy Easter.

xoxo

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Day 10

Last night as I was catching up on some blog reading {hello, no internet for two weeks}, I stumbled across this. What a sweet reminder how much in life we have to be thankful for. And this coming on the heels of a very humbling moment I had last week...

Since we moved into our new home, I have been stressed out and overwhelmed by the fact that all of our stuff doesn't fit into this house. It's actually smaller than our two bedroom apartment, and from furniture to bikes to books and office files, we simply don't have enough storage space. I was irritable and grumpy because we have too much, sighing as I unloaded boxes, and I was taking out my irritation on my sweet husband. It was like a slap in the face when the Lord opened my eyes to how selfish and ungrateful I was being. In essence, I was complaining about how blessed we are. Talk about a humbling experience.


So I have decided to choose every day to be thankful. To wake up remembering that my hope is not in this world or in its material possessions, but instead, my hope is in the one and only, all-powerful creator of this universe and his intense love for me.

Today I am thankful for:
God's incredible grace that renews every morning.
Our new {rental} home where husband and I can be together every day and not just on weekends, where we can sleep next to each other every night, and where our camping equipment is "stored" openly in the living room.
Sweet times with our families ~ you truly never know how valuable that time is until it's gone.
Rose flavored hot tea for these cold fall mornings {and afternoons... and evenings...}
The beautiful colors of fall & being able to view them directly outside my kitchen windows.
The tiny space heater that warms my feet while I study.


Here's to being thankful.
Won't you join me on this journey? What are you thankful for today?

xoxo

images can be found here
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Hard Truth

I became a Christian at a young age. I grew up in the church with my incredible, ever-strong mother as the principal spiritual leader in my life. I was baptized at 15 and unconsciously assumed that was the end of the process. I assumed that my act of obedience placed the Holy Spirit into my heart, where He would remain until I moved from this earth into heaven. I knew life would be full of trials, and that the Spirit would be there to guide me, but I never expected for my faith to be so completely shaken as it has been over the past year.

Even today, the way I understand my faith and the truth of the gospel is radically changing.... in the most wonderful, fulfilling way. The most important, most terrifying revelation is that I am utterly, completely dependent on God for everything in my life. I myself bring nothing to the table. This principle flies in the face of everything that society tell us, but it is the truth of the gospel. The problem lies in the fact that we don't want to see it.

"Do we really think that a crown of thorns and whips and nails and a wooden cross and all the other facets of the crucifixion that we glamorize are powerful enough to save us? [...] What happened at the cross was not primarily about nails being thrust into Jesus' hands and feet but about the wrath due your sin and my sin being thrust upon his soul. In that holy moment, all the righteous wrath and justice of God due us came rushing down like a torrent on Christ himself."

This is the gospel.

"The just and loving Creator of the universe has looked upon hopelessly sinful people and sent his Son, God in the flesh, to bear his wrath against sin on the cross and to show his power over sin in the Resurrection so that all who trust in him will be reconciled to God forever."

The first time I read that passage I ended up in tears. It's heart-wrenching, but true. The gospel proclaims our hopeless, sinful situation while the world boasts to us of self-improvement. The raw, true gospel speaks to an unconditional surrender of all that we are to all that is God. 

Quotes from Radical, by David Platt
images 1, 2

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Reflecting

He spreads out the northern skies over empty space; He suspends the earth over nothing.

He wraps up the waters in his clouds, yet the clouds do not burst under their weight.

He covers the face of the full moon, spreading His clouds over it.

He marks out the horizon on the face of the waters for a boundary between light and darkness....

And these are but the outer fringe of His works; how faint the whisper we hear of Him.

Job 26: 7-10, 14

Sorry for the radio silence. I spent a long weekend camping on the beach with my sweet husband. I read, I reflected, I strolled on the beach, I watched the sunrise, and I'm ready to start anew.

Happy Wednesday.

xoxo

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New Directions

Priorities are altering... focus is shifting... dreams are changing.

And in light of that, so is this blog.

I will be taking more time to spend in the word, listening to these podcasts, continuing to make healthy changes, enjoying weekends with my husband, and serving my community. As a follower of Christ, I am called to more than a life focused on myself; I am called to grow, serve and minister. I am confident that the Lord can use any part of my life for His glory, and I hope that this blog will be something He can use.

image

I don't mean to be offensive, and I hope that's not the case. I am being honest and open about the truth of the gospel, and I hope that you can find inspiration in that. 

I'll still post about the things that I enjoy... cooking, camping & hiking trips, and even outfits, but I needed you to know that my heart is changing. There's nothing wrong with physical luxuries, as "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows," {James 1:17} and I consider my home, nature, and even my wardrobe good and perfect gifts. However, I don't want these things to consume my time or become my focus.

So here's to new beginnings, healthier lifestyles, and service to those less fortunate.

xoxo

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